OK, there's no nice way to put this, so you might as well be humorous:
U.S. singer plans to wipe away global warming
Yes America, singer Cheryl Crow thinks limits on how much toilet tissue can be used in a sitting is going to save trees, end global warming, and achieve world peace.
Yeah, I'm joking on the last one. Yesterday, I thought she was joking on the first two, so I let this one go by. Today, I think she's actually serious, so time to say something.
Her plan is that if we'd just stick to 1 square (3 if it's a dirty job) of toilet tissue all will be right in the world. Oh, and wipe your mouth on your sleeve (as long as you buy her new clothing line) instead of using a napkin. (My son will be thrilled.)
Cheryl, WTF are you thinking? Are you thinking? Sweetheart, you win The Freeholder Award for "Most Ignorant Environmental Statement of The Year", and it's only April, for cryin' out loud. I'm so confident that no one will be able to top this nut-ballery that I'm closing the contest now.